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Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Closing Doors

When doors keep closing, it has to be a clue that you need to look for another way to get through to wherever it is you are headed.
My own car broke down in Phoenix as I was leaving the dealer with a rental for a business trip I was taking to California. "The engine is dead and it will hardly be worth it to invest any more into a car with this many miles on it," the mechanic said.
I would deal with that problem when I got home. I was determined to focus on the future.
The business plans in California couldn't seem to congeal. We couldn't find a perfect building and when we did find one we liked, it was on a redevelopment agenda and wasn't available. Those doors weren't closing, they just weren't opening...yet. So, we both decided to keep our "low overhead operations" going until we could devise a better strategy.
Only a few days after returning home from California, my beloved Stevie Girl, doggy died suddenly. She died in my arms. She had been sick three years earlier so it wasn't completely unexpected, just sudden. She made it very easy on me and didn't put me through prolonged agony. What a sweet doggy girl. I miss her so.
A huge hole developed in my heart and suddenly nothing here looked good anymore. But I thought my options were limited and I would have to be content with what I had and make the most of it.
I was determined to try to keep going with my business here in AZ so I placed an order with my supplier, and didn't hear anything. Low motivation, (I think I knew something was leading me away) when I finally called the supplier, I discovered that they were no longer able to deliver in AZ and the new supplier wouldn't set up an account unless you have a brick and mortar shop. Another door, slamming in my face since I had just recently moved my products to my home studio because the door was not swinging open wide enough to do business in town. I thought I wouldn't throw anymore good money at that attempt, I had decided to reduce my overhead and just cater to the few loyal clients I had developed until I could devise a better strategy.
Ces't Si Bon, It's So Good...
My nickname from childhood has been Say See Bones. My sister calls me that  more than my real name. We have never known how it was supposed to be spelled, we made it up from how it sounded. We never remember asking Mom.
When I did a browser search, sure enough it directs traffic, even spelled phonetically. I remember someone telling me it had a French version so I searched that. It's So Good. Ces't Si Bon. a song sung by several artists, the lyrics being reinterpreted in English to be somewhat different from the original. But I now am convinced that it must have influenced my parents as they were "In Love" exactly at that time. I want to presume that they started using that nickname on me as a little secret expression of their own love for each other. It's a romantic thought. I'm a hopeless romantic.
So, with a nickname It's So Good, I must always be mindful to make lemonade from my lemons and to look on the bright, loving side of things.
I'll reinterpret it again, it's all good. Oh, not my doggy dying. Never that.
It has changed the course of things whether I like it or not. The hole in my heart reminds me of how it needs to be filled with something. Something honoring her memory. She has been the motivation behind a great deal of decision making I have done over the course of her 14 years in my life. Like any child would influence a parent, she was like a child to me. The decisions I would make would impact her, so I was always mindful of that.
I still have a little red-haired girl for whom I will need to be mindful. (not the one on the couch below) She is giving me one of her looks as we speak. The "can you drop some more food my way" look. Pudgie Mudgie.
She is blessed to be an airhead, but my pet sitter reminds me that dogs are always grateful to be the only child. She has changed her barking style to simulate one of my sister's dogs. I guess she is a follower. She never made a move without seeing what Stevie was gonna do first. Now she is howling to mimic the high pitch of my sister's healer.
So I guess it is Pudgie Mudgie and me on this new adventure. We have to carve out a new life. The doors are all closing on this chapter so we think it must be time to find It's So Good somewhere else.
At least that is the plan today.
Ces't Si Bon

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